THE 10 MOST HATED PEOPLE AT THE GYM

10. The Grunter

Like a female tennis player, this guy releases a Satan-like queef-moan with every rep he takes. He makes that real butch-manly chick you brought home sound like that little, annoying, rat-like chick you brought home.

9. The Girl Who Can Kick Your Ass

You always have to make sure she's distracted by hitting on one of the huge trainers before you do start your reps. This way she won't be able to laugh at you. No normal guy really wants to a bang a chick that can kick their ass anyways. They already possess the mental powers of persuasion and irrational logic. With the addition of hulk strength your penis becomes officially just for show.

8. The Napoleon Bro-naparte

The guy who can't grow past 5'5" makes up for it by growing outward. Frenetically insecure, the steroids he's probably on make him very emotionally unstable. If you watch him do sets you can hear his screams of pent-up rage as the weights go up. This is then followed by intense crying of Maury Povich proportions as the weights come down. He is most likely wearing a lacrosse jersey or something made by Abercrombie. Either way it won't have sleeves.

7. The Guy Doing Pointless Exercises

This guy stands there with the bright red eight pound Fisher Price dumbbells and spins them in circles over his head at random. This guy clearly has no idea what he is doing. He is a danger to himself and everyone in the gym and probably won't ever see results. But he will hop on a machine right after you to try and imitate what you were just doing. After like four reps of doing it wrong he'll give up and try to copy someone else and experience the same outcome. He will eventually figure out how to do the chest machine that is generally only found in the workout room of a Best Western before he goes into the spin room to do eight jumping jacks and 15 jump ropes. For some reason this guy almost always wears glasses.

6. The Old Guy

Fully equipped with his bright white Saucony sneakers and a pair of khakis, this old man is ready to do what he calls "working out." He will sit on the arm bike, with or without an oxygen tank, shooting out looks that can make any bro feel guilty for being young.

5. The Girl Who Just Hangs Out

When these girls grow tired of their regular routine of not eating, they head to the gym. Usually gathered by the smoothie bar, or at worst a Vitamin Water vending machine, these girls mostly love to exercise their credit cards. Like the majority of women they consider exercising carrying around the six dresses from their maybe pile at Sak's for 30 minutes. They use the gym as an excuse to dress up in their cute gym outfits, check out guys and of course make all their other friends feel bad about themselves by telling them how long they were at gym for.

4. The Guy with B.O.

Every gym has a guy that just fucking reeks. He is always wearing the same high school water polo team shirt that probably hasn't been washed since he took it out from the bottom of his locker in 1996. Coincidentally, this asshole is always working the same muscle groups as you. So not only do you have to be immersed in his perpetual stink cloud, but you have to share equipment with him. You try to stay one machine ahead of him, but he always snipes your machine as soon as you go to the water fountain. When he gets up, the seat is covered in a puddle of sweat and it smells like someone banged an Indian Rosie O'Donnell with a strap on made of wet garbage that ejaculates congealed milk.

3. The Gym D.J.

I don't care what gym you go to, they all play terrible music. I am well aware that it's probably not an actual person DJing each song, but someone should be held accountable for the pop music that's so dated they don't even play it at bar mitzvahs anymore. I don't know why it is that The Fray, Lifehouse, All American Rejects and Fergie are the only bands they are allowed to play. As if this wasn't bad enough, it sets into motion a chain reaction of behavior that sucks just as hard. The shitty music makes way for the guy who brings his own different, yet equally shitty music that he listens to incredibly loud. This of course leads to him randomly singing song lines or blurting out rap lyrics in between sets.

2. The Flexer

The Flexer is probably the douchiest member of this list. The ex-high school jock turned frat boy now working at Goldman Sachs just stands and stares at himself in the mirror for most of his tenure at the gym. He usually only wears a wife beater or a cut-off that's so cut off it's simply a t-shirt collar with a tampon string connecting it to seams at the bottom. However, his routine is pretty extensive. He flexes in the mirror with his head slightly tilted back until the next Dave Matthew's song comes on his iPod Nano. He repeats this for about four to five sets before wiping his brow with either of his two sweatbands. Note: He can also be a Guido.

1. The Guy Who Leads The Spin Class

Spin class? Com'on, bunch of hampsters on a wheel. Yeah, I'm gonna ride a bike hard, I'm gonna ride a bike fast, and, oh yeah, I'm not gonna go anywhere!! Yeah, and I when I walk out, I wanna put a bunch of metal onto a metal bar and lift that metal over and over like a metal jerk. He also dresses like a bumble bee bitch and probably doesn't have any 80s music, just a bunch of goddam dance mixes. It's all good though, I've got a Steve Winwood CD in my car.......I've got boxes full of Pepe!

Honorable mentions:

The guy who uses the "Yes/No" machine that you thought was only for chicks. You know, the one where girls sit and spread their legs and then close them and pretend like they are denying someone access to their hole. Also make sure to notice the assholes that stand at the water fountain filling up their entire water bottle and anyone wearing lifting gloves.