20. The new Wave of Exotic Stadium Food
Do we really need Asian-Cajun food and dragon rainbow rolls at a baseball game? I can't even eat a hotdog without getting mustard all over my shirt, face and the guy sitting next to me and you expect me to be able to intake a cornbeef Rueben on Rye in a manner that is publicly acceptable ?
19. Everything is Sticky
My urine, cotton candy, beer, dip spit and Crackerjacks probably don't help the cause.
18. Excessive Home Team Representation
You're wearing the hat. We get it. Is the authentic jersey, sweatpants, and special team shoelaces really necessary?
17. Getting Thrown out for Heckling Players on the Other Team
If yelling obscenities at opposing players isn't considered utilizing home field advantage and the behavior of a true fan and model American, then I don't know what is.
16. Ushers who are Drunk with Power
Why are all these guys so old?
15. Pressure to Cheer and Stand up Whenever Something Happens
I've got chicken tenders on my lap and I'm trying to open a fucking ketchup packet here. I am not standing up. Unless there's a fight, of course.
14. My HDTV is Better Than Real Life
Unless you're a girl. Then you can't tell the difference.
Do we really need Asian-Cajun food and dragon rainbow rolls at a baseball game? I can't even eat a hotdog without getting mustard all over my shirt, face and the guy sitting next to me and you expect me to be able to intake a cornbeef Rueben on Rye in a manner that is publicly acceptable ?19. Everything is Sticky
My urine, cotton candy, beer, dip spit and Crackerjacks probably don't help the cause.
18. Excessive Home Team Representation
You're wearing the hat. We get it. Is the authentic jersey, sweatpants, and special team shoelaces really necessary?
17. Getting Thrown out for Heckling Players on the Other Team
If yelling obscenities at opposing players isn't considered utilizing home field advantage and the behavior of a true fan and model American, then I don't know what is.16. Ushers who are Drunk with Power
Why are all these guys so old?
15. Pressure to Cheer and Stand up Whenever Something Happens
I've got chicken tenders on my lap and I'm trying to open a fucking ketchup packet here. I am not standing up. Unless there's a fight, of course.
14. My HDTV is Better Than Real Life
Unless you're a girl. Then you can't tell the difference.
13. The Perpetuation of the Class System
Not only are these seemingly more important individuals close enough to see what's going on, but I bet if the stadium hit an iceberg they would be the first ones on the life boat too. Would it help if I let someone draw me naked?12. The Custom Jersey
See Hate #39
11. Not Being Able to sit in the Good Seats if They're Empty
I suppose you also can't masturbate in the handicapped bathroom stall if it's empty either.
10. The Commercial Stoppages
I've lost my family's life savings and most of my mother's jewelry gambling on the little races they have during these.
11. Not Being Able to sit in the Good Seats if They're Empty
I suppose you also can't masturbate in the handicapped bathroom stall if it's empty either.
10. The Commercial Stoppages
I've lost my family's life savings and most of my mother's jewelry gambling on the little races they have during these.
9. The National Anthem
Now I'm all for The National Anthem. I mean, I want to pay tribute to my country and all it's done for me. I want to reflect on all the people who have sacrificed their lives just so I could have the privilege of attending a sporting event as great as this one, but I can't take my hat off. There's a hot chick two rows over who's going to notice that I'm balding and have hat hair. I think my boy G Washington would understand.
Now I'm all for The National Anthem. I mean, I want to pay tribute to my country and all it's done for me. I want to reflect on all the people who have sacrificed their lives just so I could have the privilege of attending a sporting event as great as this one, but I can't take my hat off. There's a hot chick two rows over who's going to notice that I'm balding and have hat hair. I think my boy G Washington would understand. 8. Never Catching a Foul ball or Being on the Jumbotron
I've come closer to paying for porn.
7. The Person Sitting Next to me
Listen, it's my arm rest. Plus this asshole's got mustard all over him.6. The Lack of Small Physical Luxuries
Partitions for urinals and cup holders for your seat must not be included in the ticket price. Would it be so hard to give us just one these liquid related amenities? Maybe then everything wouldn't be sticky.
5. Everyone's There with a Hot Chick and I'm not
But I saved a seat for one of them on my face.
4. The Price of Everything
You're pretty much getting fucked harder than the lust victim in Se7en and a freshmen lacrosse player combined.
3. The New Text Message the Jumbotron Feature
To those of you who don't already know, this is just a way for the arena to get a hold of your contact information and spam you with it.
2. The Wave
This falls into the category of having to stand up. Jeez, if I was an athlete I'd be on the field.1. Happy Birthday Messages
The only thing more annoying than these messages is that someone your with will always ask, "What if you were in the bathroom when your message came on?"
3 comments:
honorable mention(s)....
#1: the fat guy who seemingly knows everything about the sport but is really a fucking idiot. "whats that buddy? they're not trying hard enough? oh...well why dont you remove the fuckin cracker jack dust from your lips, move the 6 or 7 empty beer cups from around your feet, suck in your gut so you can get out onto the aisle, and down on the ice and give it a try"
#2 the girl sitting next to/behind me that tries to get onto the jumbotron between every stoppage in play. she is often accompanied by 2 or 3 similar sluts and a loud, nasaly chorus of WOOOO's
#3 the losers who sit behind the bench or near the tunnel that hang their hands out looking for a fist bump or high five from the players. "yeah buddy, im sure alevander ovechkin is dying to give your 45 year old, out of shape, pathetic ass some love with a fist bump before he steps on the ice and makes more money in one shift than you do all year."
Hi,
This is awesome stuff, that i have ever been to read.. and see the clearest pics. keep posting.
Thanks,
Muniraj
Nice post. Thanks
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