I've had enough of people's sympathy for the homeless. It's not that I don't care about them, which I don't, it's that they aren't worthy of sympathy. Quite the contrary. Homeless people have the best lives out of anyone I know. Think about it. They sleep until about noon, get a 40oz of Old E and brown-bag it outside until it's time to tan for a bit while taking a nap. Then they wake up, go get some free grub and a new pair of pants at a soup kitchen and it's back to boozing and another night of exciting hobo adventures with mole people on a freight train or something. Need money? No problem. They just stick out their hand and poof, people just give it to them. If anything, people should feel bad for me.
I wake up everyday and it's still dark outside. Then I slam myself into a subway car with a million other miserable souls to sit at a desk and hate my life for 12 hours until I get to go home to my rundown, crummy little apartment, microwave a lean cuisine and jerk-off before crying myself to sleep with a box of Franzia. Why am I stuck in a seemingly endless marketing meeting while they have an adventure in an abandoned warehouse? My wardrobe consists of Jncos and Big Dog tees, why isn't anyone donating their old clothes to me? I followed all the rules and slacker hobos get to live the dream while I have to suffer the pains of Sunday morning brunch, paying cable bills and sitting in the middle seat on an airplane. We both wake up every morning hungover and alone, and yet they get all the sympathy. So next time you are feeling charitable, think about who really has it worse: the smelly, unkempt man with absolute freedom, or the smelly, unkempt man who was forced to watch a marathon of Gilmore Girls reruns and Activia commercials by a girl who's probably not going to fuck him.Honorable Mention: The homeless barbershop quartets. What's that about?
haha the homeless barbershop quartet!
ReplyDelete"and don't forget to smile! it won't mess up your hair"